I haven't seen my parent since April 2005.

I have found my parent's influence quite negative in my life, and until that time they had made me feel that the choices I had made in my life were inadequate. My choice of job, my choice of partner etc. were all part of the ritual. There was always someone else they knew of who was doing better. In many ways, I guess this is what parents do with many people, and I guess we all just grin and bear the snide remarks, the slow drips of condescension.

But there are some things that changed my mind. In April 2005, it was my sister's 25th birthday. Shortly after that, I went up to their house as a trust fund became eligible for me when my sister hit 25. It wasn't big by any means, but it would be enough for me to put a deposit down on a flat in London. When we began talking about it, it transpired that the whole amount had been given to my sister. My father tried to convince me that he had told me of this before, and that I was happy with the decision.

I felt really confused, and angry. I told my father to go fuck himself, got hold of my rucksack and walked five miles to the station to get myself back to London. That was the last time I saw them.

Things like that heal with time, and no doubt if the proceeding events didn't happen, I probably would have made my peace. However, the 7th July bombings really showed their true colours. When the bombs happened, I was working in a global office, surrounded by Asian, Amercian and European people- whose parents, in different times zones [from 4am to 11pm] were calling their children within minutes of the bombs happening. I didn't get my call until Saturday- over 48 hours after the event. At least they called, you might say.

During that call, I told them that a member of my team was still missing and I was going into the office to man the phones. Those two weeks after the bombings were the worst ever, I had to bury a colleague and care for a team of 15 people through it. Even though I told them what I was doing, I didn't hear back from my parents for over 8 months. Those eight months told me everythying, and during that time I had really fought hard with turbuelnt feelings. I learned in that time that life really is short, and that you don't get second chances.

This is my credo now-

I will be damned if I will let anyone in my life bring me down, and make me feel less than I am, and I sure as hell will not be treated without respect. I don't give a fuck who you are- if you cross these lines, we're done.

My parents get in touch every Xmas, largely because the holiday season makes them feel the need to try, and I am civil to them, but I will never, ever let them into my life again because my life is much better without them in it. I live life by my own standards, my own rules, and with people that I love and who love me.