'just be yourself' is a well-worn, cliched phrase that crops up alot- from friends, in popular culture, before interviews etc. It is something that has become embedded in every day phraseology, suggesting instantly that people are like rocks- shaped out of stone, fixed, solid, stable.
Except that they are not, or at least I am not. I thought it would be easy to just 'be myself' when I stopped taking drugs and drinking to excess. what has become obvious is that I am not a fixed person, idenfied by consistent behaviour, thoughts, and deeds. The truth is much ore complex.
I vary wildly each day, affected by my diet, the amount I have slept, the pressure in that days, the weather, exercise- so many factors combine to make one's constitution that is impossible to 'be yourself' when there are so many innate attributes related to yourself that affect your abilities and perceptions of yourself- to the extent that 'being yourself' demands a fixed self-perception.
what the cliche doesn't tell you is that time changes you: the person I am is different to who I was last year, and the year before that. To me, life is moving faster and responsibilties are getting greater. It means that 'myself' is in a constant state of change to meet those demands, to ensure that I adapt to whatever the climate is so that I can weather it.
'Being yourself' is difficult, not least because there are sub-groups of my personality. for example, I like to make people laugh, but how much of that personality should I demonstrate at, say, a board-level presentation? What if parts of myself are in conflict- for example, my ambition to get to the top is at odds with the voice in my head telling me to slow down and 'relax' - 'being yourself' is not easy at all, especially because we are, at once, simple creatures dominated by internal complexities and external stimuli that shape who we are, all of which collide at the same time.
and what if 'being yourself' is the wrong thing to be? what if certain parts of you get in the way of progressing? And if you change or compromise beliefs that are dear to you, how much do you compromise inside yourself, and in doing so, change as a result?
cliches are everywhere, they dominate our lives because we are lazy and language is tribal. But every day I struggle with 'being myself' - in making the right decisions, following the right choices, doing what I think is right when my surroundings constantly demand more answers, faster. It is possibly the hardest thing I face.
